The Five Mom Friends No Mom Needs

I am not much of a soapbox girl, and usually you will hear me wax poetic about doing whatever works for you and your family. But, sometimes as a Mom you look around you and realize…there are people in your circle who are stealing your joy. These people sneak up on you, real friendly-like. And then, quickly, you are avoiding their phone calls and rolling your eyes when they talk. Getting these friends out of your inner circle means more peace of mind, more calm, and more loving who you really are. In the end, we all just want to be the best Moms we can…but these Five Mom Friends can steal your joy.

1. The “If You Did It Like Me” Mom: Whether it’s a debate about public school vs. homeschool, or a talk about snacks, these Moms ALWAYS know best. I have fallen into this trap more times than I can count, in part because I REALLY do believe that different things work for different families. I figure that, as moms, we can only do what we think is best for our own children. But, no matter your choices, the If You Did It Like me Mom will swoop in and tell you why everything you are doing is wrong. Worse yet, she will brainwash her children to tell you (or *gasp* your children) how wrong you are as well. Shockingly, she doesn’t seem to realize, or care, that you have put just as much thought into your choices for your family as she has put in to hers. Even the quiet Moms of this variety have a way of getting their point across, and they will never compliment you on doing a good job, but they will sure expect you to compliment them. This type of mom is for the birds! Her joy stealing makes her the worst offender.
2. The “Perfect Child” Mom: This Mom type can drive other moms right up the proverbial wall! If all the girlfriends are sitting around and chatting and someone mentions a bad day or their child’s newfound preteen attitude, this mom will move right in with stories about how her child would never do any of those things. In fact, her child would have no time to have an attitude while she is learning Chinese, on the Junior Olympic Baton Twirling Team, and balancing the federal budget. This Moms favorite time to tell her stories about the child’s perfection is when YOU are struggling. Watch out for her…she has a superiority complex.
3. The “Can’t Laugh at Herself” Mom: Listen, we all have bad days. There are those times when nothing goes right, we fall over our own feet, our kid had no clean socks, and the world seems just a little unfair. Your best girlfriends are there to help you up, dust you off, and then laugh about it with you until you are laughing yourself. If you are unable to laugh at yourself, or need to throw a huge drama queen style hissy fit about it, we just can’t be friends. We. Just. Cannot.
4.The “My Precious Baby” Mommy: This Mom is ok in the beginning. When the kids are babies, they really are so precious. We all get that. But, if you kid is school-aged and you cannot cut the apron strings just a tiny bit, you may want to seek therapy. Your child can climb the monkey bars, play in the mud, have a water fight, and do things the other kids are doing. She will be OK. Stop the overprotective bullshit and let the kid live a little, or you will be faced with a Prima Dona of the first degree. Whether a boy or a girl, this Mom just cannot let go. As much as they irritate other mothers, I always feel sorry for their children. Living in a bubble (or still attached to your mothers uterus) is no way to learn. These mothers always have good reasons for their need to hover over every action and stay overprotective, but their biggest reason is the fear of their child not needing them…and that’s really about them.
5. The “Always Perfect” Mom: Some days, I drive my kids to school having not brushed my hair or my teeth yet….ok, fine, most days. I just want to guzzle my coffee and get the little dears safely to their destination. Some days, I may pick them up in the same state…or smelling of horse manure, wall paint, or furniture stain. Guess what? My kids are still thrilled to see me. I actually admire Moms who always look great, except when they use it against other women. Please do not tell us all how you will just die if you don’t lose those last three pounds. Please spare us the story of how you found a grey hair and had to call a nanny so you could make an emergency hair appointment. Just relax. Just be whomever you are, for REAL. I promise if you are a Mom who thinks she should always look perfect, if you let your hair down, we will all have a ton of fun. We can have wine in our jammies at a girls night, we can relax and truly enjoy each others company, and our other friends won’t turn down invitations from you because they are not in the mood to put on mascara. Trust us, you will still be beautiful….just a LOT more real.
As moms, I wish we could embrace every aspect of each other and make a community of Moms who all shared secrets, stories, and laughter. But, the truth is, we can’t love everyone. What Mom Friends drive you crazy?
‘Til Next Time,
Dusty Boots

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